


you're the only friend i need

by apricae



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Family Bonding, Gen, Jedi Culture, Meeting the Parents, Miscommunication, Stewjoni Culture (briefly)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-10
Updated: 2020-05-10
Packaged: 2021-03-03 05:55:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,174
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24099955
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/apricae/pseuds/apricae
Summary: For Anakin, he will never be enough - or so Obi-Wan thinks; unaware that Anakin grapples with the same feeling of inadequacy. A journey to his homeworld of Stewjon and an encounter with his birth parents brings some insight for them both.
Relationships: Obi-Wan Kenobi & Anakin Skywalker
Comments: 19
Kudos: 322





	1. Chapter 1

Stewjon, 20 BBY

“ _This_ is where Master Kenobi was born?”

Ahsoka Tano wrinkled her nose as she stepped off the ship into a fierce and cold wind, the air so fresh it almost stung in her lungs after months spent aboard cruisers and gunships breathing recycled oxygen.

“I know, Snips,” replied Anakin Skywalker, smiling lopsidedly. “I used to imagine he’d just popped out of the ground one day, beard and all.” He made a motion of stroking his chin, mimicking his former master’s face when in deep thought. 

“You know I can _hear you,_ Anakin.” 

Unimpressed, Obi-Wan Kenobi pulled his hood up to shield against the chill, nodding to the astromech droid that beeped from the cockpit. “Watch the ship, Artoo. We won’t be long.”

“I wonder who decided to send all three of us here if it’s just a formality mission,” Ahsoka piped up. “Master Yoda’s gotta think we need a vacation.” She grinned, taking in the scenery of their landing site; A low, grassy hill overlooking a sprawling half-moon of a city at the water’s edge. At dusk, the lights from the tallest buildings were mirrored in the uneasy waves, creating an effect like rippling gold. 

“Maybe. Or maybe because the Council knows Obi-Wan has connections here, and they also know that if he’s going somewhere, chances are we’ll tag along anyway.” 

Anakin cast a sideways glance at Obi-Wan, only to find him unusually still, not looking at them with his customary gentle smile - He was staring down at the black lake. 

“Obi-Wan?”

“Yes? Pardon me, I was… thinking.”

“No kidding.”

He didn’t press the issue; Most of all he felt vaguely uncomfortable, seeing his ever-steadfast friend so lost in thought. Anakin thought he almost looked _sad_. He knew Obi-Wan had been taken unusually late to the Jedi Temple (early compared to Anakin, but that was no real measure of things). Suddenly he was struck with the concept of Obi-Wan’s parents, his family. His _real_ family. One he might even remember the way Anakin could so perfectly (painfully) remember his mother. 

Something cold sank in his chest.

Before he could make any move to speak, however, Obi-Wan seemed to right himself up, shaking away whatever had disturbed him.

“Come on. We’re not going to get much done much tonight, but we should find somewhere to stay.”

“Not the ship?” Ahsoka looked as though the prospect of turning back and sleeping in the narrow bunks aboard their shuttle was about as appealing as drinking from the swamps on Nal Hutta; Her lekku curled with distaste.

“You said it yourself.” Obi-Wan gave her a slow half-smile. “We do deserve a vacation.”

—

Obi-Wan didn’t go to sleep. Anakin first thought nothing about it; His old master was notorious for late-night paperwork and cups of tea.

It was like clockwork, and had been since Anakin was only nine years old. He’d tuck himself in bed, passing Obi-Wan by on the way, and bid him a drowsy goodnight. Then, just as he thought he was falling asleep, he’d hear his master’s quiet footsteps and the light being turned out.

Always.

Even here, on Stewjon, in a decent room for hire (with stone floors that had given Ahsoka a chill and a sauna that looked like it might predate the Republic) they stayed close together. Anakin’s bed in arm’s reach of his padawan’s. Obi-Wan only across the hallway. 

And yet he heard no telltale opening and closing of the second bedroom’s sturdy wooden door. Nothing at all to indicate that Obi-Wan had turned in for the night.

For some reason, Anakin found it disturbed him enough that neither Ahsoka’s steady sleeping breath nor the wind outside could lull him into rest. 

The cold floor made his bare feet prickle as he snuck out into the tiny living area.

Obi-Wan sat curled up in a chair, a cup in his hands, illuminated by a single lamp; Its soft golden glow made his auburn hair shine like burnished copper. He was staring out of the window, fixated on the view of the stormy lake. 

“Obi-Wan? What is it?”

Something was definitely _wrong_ , because Obi-Wan startled slightly, setting his empty teacup aside on the low table. 

“Oh. Anakin.”

When he gave no further sign that he was going to say what kept him up, Anakin folded his arms, leaning on the wall. He didn’t understand why, but it bothered him, seeing Obi-Wan so… Distant. Lost.

“ _Tell me_.”

His voice felt hard and pointy in his throat, and for a moment he thought Obi-Wan might be cross with him. But he kept still, almost hugging himself now that he wasn’t holding onto his cup. It struck Anakin how _young_ he looked, how vulnerable. It made him sad. 

“I remember this lake,” he said at last, speaking soft and hesitant. “The waves. It’s one of the things I’d always remembered about this place.”

 _Your home_ , Anakin thought with a sudden disbelieving anger, but then realised that Obi-Wan had grown up learning that the _temple_ was home, that he should let the past go. Somehow it brought a kind of envy bubbling into his throat — to be so secure in one’s place. To know where home is.

“I… Hadn’t thought I’d ever go back here.”

“What? Why?” Anakin couldn’t help his bewilderment. “Why wouldn’t you go back? Look for your family?” To him, that sounded like an opportunity no one in their right mind would ever pass up. 

The look Obi-Wan gave him was warm and gently pained all at the same time. Mostly, he looked tired. Alone.

“You’re the only family I have, Anakin.” 

Obi-Wan might as well have hit him - The shock would’ve been the same, but then again, why _should_ it be? It shouldn’t be so utterly disarming to him to hear Obi-Wan say such a thing, but it _was_ , and before Anakin knew it, he felt the urge to cry. 

He had a mother. Not- Not anymore, but he still _had_ her, in his memories. In his heart. He had known her. Had _loved_ her. 

His eyes stung.

Obi-Wan, in the upholstered chair, holding himself and looking like he might break in a thousand pieces - Anakin felt as though he would burst with the acute, shuddering pain that echoed through the Force. Obi-Wan’s pain; Hardly any of it was betrayed on his face. 

“I’m… Sorry.”

Obi-Wan smiled at him, and it only hurt worse. 

“You don’t _want_ to-? I just thought-”

“Oh, I do. Ever since I stepped off the ship and realised that I did remember being here.” Obi-Wan was damnably calm, quiet. Gentle in a way Anakin had always admired, always envied. “But I… Feared that if I did- If I _did_ see them, I would not be able to let go. If they asked me to stay-” He broke off, and smiled slightly, holding Anakin’s gaze before looking out over the dark water again. A long moment passed before he spoke again.

“...You know, I was afraid of the ocean for so long. I hated Kamino,” he admitted with a light, unhappy laughter. “Because it was the only memory I had of this place. Of leaving it.”

Anakin could only stare, and nod slightly. His throat felt too tight to even attempt speaking. 

“It doesn’t frighten me anymore. I only feel…” He trailed off, silent for a few, long moments. 

Anakin looked at him, and saw his best friend, his _brother_. The only brother he had ever known. 

The only brother he could ever want. 

“You feel sad,” he said gently, watching the way Obi-Wan tensed. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know it’d hurt you to come here.”

“I didn’t either,” said Obi-Wan, his voice finally breaking.

“It’s okay.”

For once, Anakin felt like the wiser of them, but rather than triumphant he felt profoundly lost as he crossed the floor. He bent down at his former master’s side.

Obi-Wan didn’t meet his eyes, but he did not protest when Anakin took his hands and pulled him to his feet. Rather, he slumped a little, as if he was wounded. 

Anakin took him into his arms, as Obi-Wan had done many times, years ago. It was strange, that a Jedi Master he knew to be unparalleled in power and knowledge and courage could feel so _fragile_. That his shoulders could shake, that he could allow Anakin to hold him close and gently stroke his hair.

Obi-Wan made no sound, but Anakin knew he was weeping.

“You're okay.”


	2. Chapter 2

Oleanna and Sar-Jan Kenobi looked nothing like Anakin had pictured, and yet somehow exactly how they were _supposed_ to look.

Obi-Wan resembled his father. Average in height, but gracefully built; Their faces were of the same soft handsomeness, their beards near-identical. But where Obi-Wan’s hair was light and coppery, Sar-Jan’s was a deep brown. As Anakin studied him, he was stunned to find that Obi-Wan’s piercing blue eyes stared back at him from beneath strong brows. 

Oleanna had her son’s smooth auburn hair (though hers was shot through with silver), and his freckled cheeks. Deep-set brown eyes held the wisdom of a lifetime, and the mellowed sorrow of a hundred. She stood taller than Sar-Jan, just barely, dressed in elegant white wool that draped around her slender arms. 

They both carried themselves with that eased elegance he was so accustomed to from Obi-Wan.

“My lady,” he bowed, finding his manners. “I am Jedi Knight Anakin Skywalker, at your service.”

Neither of them responded. 

“This,” he ventured, feeling almost headless, not daring to look at Obi-Wan where he stood just a meter to Anakin’s left, “is my companion, Jedi Master Obi-Wan Kenobi.”

The moment the words left him, he felt as though he had dropped something immensely heavy onto the pristine stone floor, like it may crack at any second beneath the momentous weight. Like it may break and shatter the world in two, suck them all into a singularity- The silence was painful.

“Obi-Wan.”

It was the man who spoke. Sar-Jan looked a lot like Anakin felt; Like he’d slipped on a carpet somewhere and was currently hurtling towards the ground.

“Hello,” said Obi-Wan’s small, tentative voice. “I’m…”

“My son,” said Oleanna softly. “ _Obi-Wan._ ”

The Jedi Master glanced at him; He looked more frightened than Anakin had ever seen him. He looked like he was standing at a precipice, staring down, not knowing if jumping would kill him or revive him. 

Anakin ached. 

_You’re the only family I have._

For so long, he had thought himself not enough of a family; How could he be enough for Obi-Wan, when his own heart broke every day for the loss of his mother, for the distance to Padmé? 

And yet, as he looked upon his former master, his friend, his brother, Anakin Skywalker saw that Obi-Wan loved him. That he loved him more than he ever could love the strangers that stood before him, and that everyone in the room, without saying it, knew. 

Oleanna stepped forward, took Obi-Wan’s face between her hands as if he were a painting she feared to smudge. She took a breath, seeming to reach a difficult decision. Pain and melancholy battled deep fondness on her face when she spoke. 

“My son.” She kissed the top of his head, gently. “I have loved you since the day you were born.” Her voice was smooth and rich, wavering with emotion. 

“...But your place is not here. Do not fear, my dear one. I will not ask you to stay.”

Obi-Wan looked all at once as if he’d been relieved of an enormous burden, and as if he wanted to cry. Sar-Jan flanked his wife, ran a hand across his son’s hair, once, smiling all the while. Anakin felt he was intruding on something immensely private, but couldn’t quite make himself move. 

Not while Obi-Wan, even as he leaned into the warmth of his father’s palm, was so clearly and desperately reaching for him in the force, using Anakin as an anchor. 

“To see you,” Oleanna continued, “Gives me peace. You make your family proud, Obi-Wan.”

“My lady,” Anakin said, suddenly, finding his throat tight but needing to speak, to say _something_. “Obi-Wan is like a brother to me- I would protect him with my life… As I know he would do for me.” 

She let go of Obi-Wan then, and Anakin felt him shatter a little bit. He reached back across their bond, trying with all his might to hold him together. To be the tether Obi-Wan sought.

“That is all I could ever ask.” Oleanna smiled, her kind eyes full of tears. “We will stay aligned with Republic ideals for as long as our sons serve them.”

Anakin felt himself shatter too, then, but in a way that felt warm and bright and too big for him to comprehend. Obi-Wan said nothing, but it was not needed. Anakin could feel every beat of his heart through the Force, and he smiled, bowing once again. 

“May the Force be with you,” Sar-Jan said gently, as they turned to leave.


End file.
